No introduction necessary here, right? I mean if you’re a deep fan of heavy metal, you’ve definitely entered Children of Bodom’s never-ending saga of flirting with the contemporary audience while trying to please their original fans, which essentially popped out “Are You Dead Yet?” in 2005. That particular release was, for most Children of Bodom fans, a huge letdown that clearly drove a mainstreamed agenda instead of the brutal power/speed metal apparatus like before; everything was one-dimensional, easy, foreseeable, and just plain bad. But if you got money in your wallet, plastic women at your side, midgets serving you martinis, a legion of pre-puberty brats wearing your shirts, and records selling like hotcakes, then why stop? When forced to choose between loyalty and bunking with the “hella tight”, these low-voltage goons took “Blooddrunk” down into their abyss of popular crap, only leaving a developing legacy in ashes. The metal that once gave Lake Bodom essence now stands deserted with decay all around, and temptation’s hazards pollute all that wish for survival; this is the world of “Blooddrunk”.

Here’s the entire album in a can: unmemorable speed metal occupying a strong presence of Pantera-laden instrumentation and constant repetition. Roope Latvala and the ever-so-infamous Alexi Laiho are given the irksome honor of pestering their fans beyond words when they snuggle with groove licks, ceaseless identicalness in their overall style, forgettable solos, and speed chops lurking amongst the generic. As for percussion, Jaska Raatikainen seems trapped by Laiho’s large ego, as he’s forbidden from performing fills, tom rolls, or anything potentially reviving toward Children of Bodom’s murmuring heart. Sure they still practice those semi-sweet keyboards that ironically act as the band’s only sense of identity, but what difference does it make overall? All remaining qualities have the lifeless signs of modernization, and tossing in funky chimes leaves little effect steaming from the final product when observing “Blooddrunk” wholly.

To make matters worse, Alexi Laiho’s yippy-dog barks now appear even worse than before, mainly because the overblown production puts his awful screams in charge of this musical charade, but doing so also allows our unfortunate listeners to experience the comedic gold within those stupid lyrics. Songs like “LoBodomy” portray stapler-meets-forehead retardation at its absolute worst while emitting illogical profanities only an angry teenager could write; truly an immature gesture that’s felt here entirely. I guess viewing the downfall of occasional excellence leaves one nasty mark that just can’t be ignored, and aside from Janne’s keyboards, there’s only filth for us to loathe until our hearts realize the obvious truth: these bastards just flushed forty minutes down the drain.

Frankly, this album has more holes in it than a package of rat-infested cheese, yet unlike their previous effort, there isn’t a single moment worth mentioning. It really hurts to see Children of Bodom accepting their status as a “œme-too” band, but that’s exactly what they wanted; if not, “Blooddrunk” wouldn’t be such a horrendous pile of simple, predictable garbage, and you could bet your zesty ass these clowns knew what audience would sacrifice a few bucks for this sub-par offering. Unless you’ve received a LoBodomy (that’s actually clever), avoid “Blooddrunk” at all costs, because it’s just one of those albums you’ll end up hating regardless of what your metallic tongue desires.